September 17th, three days ago, David flew to Florida without me. He got a job and against my better judgement, I let him go. His mom and dad have officially separated and David wanted to go take care of her. I wish that he knew that this is killing me. There is so much happening. David's mom hasn't really given me a reason to trust her or given me a reason to even care about their separation. I told David that I wanted to stay here and get my financials together, but I think I mostly just want to focus on myself and my family, before I take on this commitment.
My friends from work have been a blessing and they have taken care of me. They eat with me lunch, they text me and talk, they genuinely seem to care. This is one of the many things I have grown to appreciate about being here while David is in Florida. On top of this, my biggest issue is that my friends from work have been amazing but they have been so amazing I'm starting to freak myself out. One of David and I's friend has been super sweet and has been amazing to me. This seems to be an issue to me, because I am starting to fall for this person. This person has been my right hand person for the past few weeks. After a break-up from their significant other, they counted on to help them through their rough patch which of course I was happy to do, but now I'm terrified that I'm messing up my relationship to be with someone who doesn't even want to be with me. I know that I'm not this person's type and that they would never date me.
After David left, he has become fairly appreciative of me. I really do miss him but I'm confused because of this other person. I have spent two years of my life loving the same guy and admittedly I'm scared. I'm terrified that even with two years, David may still not the person I end up or worse yet, I'm just not ready for commitment. I want to be happy and I'm not entirely sure that David makes me happy.
Today Allie, Lindsay, and Becca are taking me to Kennywood. I'm actually excited for the fact, I have friends who care enough to take me out and take care of me while I'm miserable . Becca and I have gotten somewhat close and I'm so thankful for that. I feel like I don't really have friends here anymore, but Becca has really been there for me and she's listen to me be miserable and just complain about everything. she really has been a godsent.
This other person, has also probably seen me at my worst and the they have taken care of me. They have made sure that I have been taken care of myself and that I'm not being rash or stupid. They take me out for food and drinks. It's not cheating because I refuse to admit feelings. The only person that knows about this other person is Becca and thankfully she won't tell or even hint about it to anyone.
Sometimes I wonder what my future will be like. I would love to have some type of manual or handbook that shows me how I'm going to end up or at least tell me if I'm going to be happy. I know that most people dream of their future and how it turns out, but recently I've been dreading it and it's stressing me out. I really hope that things get figured out soon.
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