Advantage

You know what pisses me off. When I try everything in my power to make people happy and nothing ever works. I literally bend over backwards to make myself accessible and readily available to help people and I get nothing in return.

Yesterday I went to work at 8am and stayed until 5pm just to come home, shower, try to sleep and be back to work at 9pm -7am. I'm beyond tired and when I walked into work this morning to clock out, I showed management some ideas I got from the other store that would help our store out. They all laughed at me and pretty much said it was stupid. I didn't get a real answer why or anything just a flat out no. I was so mad. I really just don't understand how they can say no to something when they didn't even get to see my vision or even try to understand what I'm saying. 

Also, my mother has a staph infection. David is a carrier for staph so he has to be fairly careful right now. I'm trying to help him and not make a big deal about it. I'm not a carrier and I don't understand all of the limitations but I'm trying. He is being miserable and stayed balled up in bed all day instead of just asking me or telling me to help him. He already doesn't try to make things okay with my mother but now it's nearly impossible to even remotely be normal. I feel like he's mad at me for something I don't understand and I'm placed in a situation I know nothing about.

I feel so low on myself and I feel like a failure. I'm not sure what I can do to rebound. I feel useless and pretty much stupid. I wish I could just take a mini vacation and get away by myself for a while. I feel like some alone time could really do me a lot of good but at the same time if I go away I'm scared I would come back to nothing and sheer madness. The only thing that is helping me push through is that fact the I have One Direction tickets for their Pittsburgh show in August. I really want to see them but I also really want to run away. My future is so nuts right now I'm scared.

I wish I could just explain this to someone in my household, David, my sisters, anyone but no one is around for my meltdowns. I have been around for just about everyone's tough times. Now that I'm having a rough time there is no one here who can help me. I feel somewhat abandoned. I barely speak to Sarah since I'm still somewhat heartbroken that she didn't come to my graduation or anything. I am trying to move on and trying to continue our friendship but I'm just so hurt and ruined. I really have no idea where to turn.